


Measure of a Sibling

by Zell_Hatoule



Category: Astral Chain (Video Game)
Genre: Allow the Howard Twins to love each other thanks, Gen, Player Character's name is Azure, Post-Surgery, Supportive Akira Howard, Trans Character, Transitioning, family fic, pre-game, sibling shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-23 22:24:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21088784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zell_Hatoule/pseuds/Zell_Hatoule
Summary: Akira knew before Azure did.





	Measure of a Sibling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NovaAsker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovaAsker/gifts).

Akira knew before Azure did. When Azure pitched a fit about their party dresses and demanded overalls, Max had been exasperated. But Akira had snuck out to get a tiny ice cream snack (a TINY one, Dad wouldn’t even notice!) and had seen how their father had been bent over a sewing machine, turning the skirt of the dress into a neat set of overalls with a single cuff rolled up to avoid splashing in the dirt. When Dad gave it to Azure, they squealed so loud that Dad was walking funny for  _ hours. _ But Dad would confess later that it was absolutely worth it.

As they got older, Azure railed against wearing skirts, refused to wear the girl’s uniform, and dug their heels in until Dad came in one day, all scary Police Officer-like, and ask why this was an issue. He spent a good hour angrily listing what was wrong with the situation, especially since he’d gone through a lot of hoops to make sure Azure had a uniform exemption. Eventually, the principal caved, and Azure was back to the boy’s uniform, which they immediately gave in to.

It was Max, in the end, who sat them down, and told them what they already knew. Azure wasn’t a girl. Azure was very much a boy, according to his doctor, and that when he got older, he would be on some special medicine so that he could start puberty properly.

Akira was sure Azure was going to cry at that moment, wobbly lip and shiny eyes and all. Dad spent a whole hour just hugging him, reassuring him that everything would be okay. When Akira climbed into bed that night, it was with Azure crawling in right behind her, wiping his eyes.

“ _ You’re stupid, but you’re my big brother, _ ” she would whisper to him, and Azure would give a watery laugh, cling to her hand, and smile through his tears.

Uncle Jin was surprised, at first, but he took it in stride easily enough. He even gave Azure his first real haircut, trimming flyaway hair and showing him how to use a curling iron to get the edges to curl up real soft-like. Akira misses the days they looked identical, but she holds his hand tight and watches him grow into himself.

He starts taking his pills at twelve, and again at fourteen, but this time they’re for hormones. As he starts to grow, Akira can hear the sneers, the mocking words hidden behind hands and sneers from boys and girls alike.

Akira broke her first nose for her twin brother when she was ten. From ten until eighteen, Akira broke the nose of every person who dared look at her twin, her  _ equal _ as anything less than perfect. She didn’t keep count. No tally, no number would ever amount to anything, especially when Akira would come home, and Azure would be there, scolding on his lips but bandages in his hands, ready to patch her up.

“ _ You shouldn’t _ ,” he’d say quietly, dabbing antiseptic on her knuckles.

“ _ Damn right I shouldn’t. They shouldn’t be assholes and need percussive maintenence, but here the fuck we are. _ ” Akira tells him in return. Azure always laughs, wraps up her knuckles, and kisses them gently.

“ _ You’re amazing. _ ” He tells her, and she knows he will never lie about how she makes him feel. Akira cries the first night they spend in different beds, so Azure pushes their beds closer, holds her hand until she feels okay letting her twin go.

Azure is 17 when the doctors decide, okay, he’s had his hormones long enough that bottom surgery is okay. But that’s where she comes in.

* * *

Akira is holding her twin’s hand, feels every jump in his fingers, every stuttered breath.

“I’m scared sis,” he whispers to her, sixteen hours into his fast before the event. “What if I realize it’s a horrible mistake?” He asks, lower lip wobbling in that familiar way of his when he’s worried. “What if it’s not actually going to happen? What if I-” Akira has had enough, bops the top of his head firmly.

“No what ifs,” she scolds sharply. “This is  _ it _ , bro. You’re gonna finally be you, one hundred percent, full fucking stop. You’re gonna have the world’s best big sister sitting here by your side the entire time. We’ll have Dad and Uncle Jin, and fuck, if Miss Alicia gets to visit, she will! This is  _ it _ . You can stop worrying.” Azure says nothing, gives a big, wet sniff, and she leans in, hugs him. “You shouldn’t be crying,” she tells him, watery-eyed. “You’ll make me ruin my makeup.” That makes Azure laugh, and he squeezes his hand.

“You’re right about one thing, at least,” he teases. “But I’m still the big sibling, no matter what.” She squawks at him, and he suffers her pillow swats to his head, laughing the whole time as though the world had become perfect in that one moment. It's enough, to push away the worry until the surgery actually starts.

Uncle Jin joins her half-way through the surgery, takes her hand.

“Your dad’s on his way,” he promises quietly, and she leans against him, exhausted. “Take a nap Akira, I’ll be here to keep an eye on your brother.” She wants to protest, but knows better - she can’t help protect her brother from his demons if she can’t even stay awake. So she hunkers down, her head in Jin’s lap, and naps - a little restlessly - but naps all the same, waits to see her brother. She distantly recalls hearing her dad and Alicia arrive, but it’s so quiet she quickly passes back out, content to curl up against her family as they wait for Azure to wake up.

Of course, she’s the first in the door. The doctors are talking - something about a hormone crash - but she ignores all that, breezes past them and stops short.

Azure looks  _ wrecked _ \- he’s sobbing into a handkerchief and she knows he’s not doing well. She slaps a doctor’s hands away from her brother, and then away from  _ her _ when they try to stop her. She  _ will not _ allow Azure to sit there and be upset. He immediately opens his arms for her, shivers against her skin as he clings.

“I made a mistake sis,” he sobs, and it breaks her heart to see him like this. She knows why, of course, but she’s not going to let it stand. She doesn’t sit in his lap, but she draws close, kisses his forehead gently, and cradles him to her chest. She knows of course. She knows  _ exactly _ what his body is doing right now, and she’ll be damned if she lets it. She kisses his forehead again, hums a single lullaby he knows by heart as much as she does, and waits. There is nothing she can say to make him feel better, so she waits, and hums a soft song for him until he calms.

“No you didn’t.” She tells him softly. “You think I’d let you?” She asks him, and he sobs a laugh through his tears. “You’re going to be  _ amazing _ , Azure.” He looks up at her, and she can see the hope, the fear, and the worry in his eyes. “You think I’d  _ let _ you? Don’t you dare, Azure.” Azure’s watery eyes look up at her, and she glowers at him, gets a sniffle from him as she holds him tight.

He’s her brother. And until he’s ready to fight his demons on his own, she’ll fight them for him.


End file.
